Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
