Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You need Xanax blowdarts
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
