somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wish my penis had a tongue
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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