Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
