What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
