I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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