i just wanna soil my oats bro
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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