tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
