Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.

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(765): View more from Indiana

You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged

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(630): View more from Illinois

Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl

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(954): View more from Florida

his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml

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