Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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