Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
