why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
