Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
