I cut my penus on the lid.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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