he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
