i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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