I didn't shave. On purpose
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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