Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
