I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
