I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
