I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
