its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
