I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize