I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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