woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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