He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
