my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
