is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
