ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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