We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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