I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
