I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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