that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
