I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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