What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
