I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
