he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
