dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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