Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
