I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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