a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
