it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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