You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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