Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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