and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
