I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
