tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
