She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
