I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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