Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
