I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
