i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
