last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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