Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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