My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
