spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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