glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's always time for handjobs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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