i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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