Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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