i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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