im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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