her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
