I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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