honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
