I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
