I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize