it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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