When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize