Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
