I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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