It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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