I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize