Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
