He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
