i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
