Sry I called you an 8
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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